Will you be able to run, Mommy?

That's the question my 6-yr-old asked me today.  All he's ever known is a Mommy in pain.  And now that I'm pregnant and actually in less pain, he is wanting to know, after Baby Sarah is born, will Mommy be able to run and play with him?  "You never get to play with us," he said.  Words that cut through any mother with chronic pain.  I told him, "Probably not.  I can't make any promises, but we'll just have to see how it goes." 

Since I'm having a c-section, I will have to take time to recover from that, reassess my piriformis syndrome post-partum, and then we'll see where I am.  I told him that sometimes, a body gets hurt so badly that even with surgery to fix the problem (which it did fix the problem -- I have no nerve or joint pain), it never completely heals the way it was before (e.g., my ligament and muscle pain).  I have accepted my lot, that I will likely never be 100%.  But my lot affects my husband, my two little boys, and now my little girl.  So the best answer I can give my family is "we'll see."  That's the hardest part of this whole ordeal - wondering what my littles are missing out on because they have a broken mommy, even if I am somewhat mended.

PT for the Home Stretch

My PT gave me a few exercises for the last six weeks - all designed to help strengthen the pelvic floor and the bit of the core I have left, haha!  Kegels (three kinds), as well as standing pelvic tilts and hip slides.  Also little hip figure 8's.  Those standing ones are difficult because I place my hands on my hips to ensure I have the right posture, but I really don't have hips anymore to hold on to!

C-Section

Met with my PT today. She said the clinical studies available to her indicated there was not a greater risk with delivery one way or the other, but the consensus among the other PTs she spoke with (including two PTs who are experts in women's health) was that they recommended a c-section. The combination of my fused SI joint, PS pain and history of large babies made them all wary. Soooo, I'm not saying anything else to my OB and will just go with what we decided at our last appt: c-section at 39 weeks. That means 6 weeks from now------YIKES!!!!!

39 weeks

I finally met with my OB this morning, after sending her this letter.  Her response was that she disagreed with my assessment.  Even considering my lax ligament history, she insisted my risk for pubic symphysis (PS) diastasis (severe joint separation) was extremely low. 

However, she agreed to perform a c-section anyway, as long as I understood the risks.  At least half the risks have to do with future pregnancies, but since we decided long ago that this was our last child, that took away half the concern right there.  However, she said even if I have a c-section, that's still no guarantee of avoiding PS diastasis, since plenty of people get it without having babies.  I assured her that I understood there were no guarantees, understood the increased risk of bleeding, pain from scarring (inside and out), a longer recovery and possible injury to the bladder.  But I still want a c-section.  The idea of passing a large child through an opening where one of three joints is fused, and another of the three joints is already painful, well, that's enough to seal the deal for me.  I am the 1 in a million already, and I intend to do everything to avoid going down that road again.

I told her that while she had me open, she might as well tie my tubes.  She said she couldn't do that because I'm delivering at a Catholic hospital (which I think I knew but had forgotten).  I assured her that was no problem -- I would never ask, and certainly not insist, that anyone or any group violate their religious beliefs for the sake of my own convenience.  So we'll be discussing other options --  a tubal ligation at a later date, or (ahem) a snip for the hubs.  Either way, Sarah Elizabeth will complete our family, and I'm super excited to meet her, on or near April 2 (at 39 weeks).